Blew Me Away

Over Spring Break, I traveled to the nation's capital to visit my son. One day of sight seeing in DC was enough for me. We saw the good sites, Washington Memorial, Capital Building, Vietnam Memorial, and of course the Lincoln Memorial. I didn't even take pictures at the Lincoln Memorial because of my earlier trip to the Native American Smithsonian.

I went tot he Native American Smithsonian in hopes of expanding my learning and increasing my knowledge of Tribes in our country. So much for history. There was a little bit on the French-Indian War, a small amount on each Tribe represented, a LONG wall of firearms used to slay Natives during the wars and conflicts, and one sentence about Boarding Schools.

As much as I have learned in my Intro to Native American Studies and the 541 class we are in now, I never thought the nation would "cover up" the fact that they tore Native youth and children out of their homes and put them in schools far away from their homes and traumatized them. Working in child welfare, I see the trauma of children that social workers deal with on a daily basis. The trauma of children being ripped from their homes in the name of safety. I believe social workers do their best every single day and make the best choices they can for everyone involved, but it does cause trauma.

I was appalled that the US Smithsonian Institute glossed over this very real and important part of the Native American history. The Boarding School era was one that caused enormous rifts in families, parenting styles, alcoholism, drug abuse and many times in death for the Native Peoples.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy to see the Native exhibits, each Tribe/Nation shown had separate space, even the Hupa Tribe had an exhibit. The regalia and baskets and jewelry were beautiful. At the end of the exhibit way back in a corner, was a photograph of a white man. Underneath the photo, it said that most of the artifacts belonged to this white man until his death in the 50's. How sad. Why weren't these pieces of priceless treasure returned to their rightful owners or at least to the Tribe in which they came? I think many of the Tribes presented would have donated pieces to their exhibits.

By the time I left the museum, I was angry. Angry at the nation that covers up the history and trauma of our citizens. How can we grow as a nation if we cover up the past? How can we expect the healing of the Native Peoples if we cannot accept what we have done to them in the past and present? If the trauma cannot be erased, it has to go somewhere and people are sick and dying because of the past assaults upon their people.

Sometimes I can't stand being a part of a country that cannot take responsibility for their own actions. But, I love the freedoms I have as an American. I just wish everyone in the country was as free and had the same rights as everyone else. Whether you are Native American, white, gay, straight, lesbian, black, Jewish, Christian, immigrant (legal or not), and/or anything else you do or don't label your self as, rights should be the same across the board.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I think I was traumatized by our government's inability to take responsibility for the past. What we are in the past, creates our own futures....

Spring Break

Tomorrow is my last day in California for a week (almost). I'm super excited. My husband and I are leaving our almost 18 year old in charge of the dogs and going to visit our oldest son. He is 21 and lives in Fort Washington, Maryland. I've been to DC once before on a work trip and it was beautiful. I can't wait to go to the Smithsonian ( a few of them). My one request is to visit the Native American Smithsonian. I was so enchanted by a local art exhibit that we visited for training a couple weeks ago on local Native American culture I want to see more from other Tribes. At one time, I hear, they used to have an exhibit there from one of our local Tribes too. Then, I can also pretend I'm still in school. (Well maybe not!)

I know so many of us need this break to decompress and some (me included) need to do some catch up. I plan on taking my studies with me to take up time between when everyone else goes to bed and I do because of the time difference.

Back to my son. I haven't seen him in a little over three years. He texted me a couple of days ago and asked if I would cook while I was there. I was so excited. It means everything to me to know he missed me and my cooking. I can't wait.

Spring break, here we come!!

Label or Who you are?

In my 550 class this week we are talking about the DSM book. This book helps clinicians and psychiatrists give people diagnoses for mental health disorders. About 12 years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I as I have said before here on this blog.

In my life, I have made a lot of choices that were not right for me, my family, or my relationships with others. I hurt a lot of people. I hurt my children, and I hurt myself. At times, my emotions were totally uncontrollable, my ability to curb my impulses was non-existent and my aggression was raging before and during treatment. I have been managing my Bipolar with therapy and drugs that have stabilized me for a year and a half now. But, I am not out of the woods yet. Perhaps I will never be.

Today, my husband told me how satisfied he was with our life. He said that being with me made him happy and our life together was the best thing he has ever experienced. I was totally flattered. But then came the conversation about our life together. It has been over 14 years. Raising 3 teenagers in our home and all the trials of living with a bipolar person. There were the times I cheated on him, the thousands of dollars that I spent on stuff that didn't really matter for no reasons, the decisions I made without him, the yelling and spite we waded through, and the love we shared throughout it all.

Without him, I never would have made it this far. He has been my rock. The person that held me while I cried for no reason, that restrained me from the physical fights I wanted to induce, and forgave me for making it hard to get through to another payday. He says I was worth it.

I didn't realize how much self reflection I would have in this MSW program. I know I don't have to allow people in to my life as much as I am doing, or tell them how I feel about things that I have personal knowledge of. But, I know that I will not grow without it. One of my cohort said "thank you for sharing yourself" and I took that to heart. As hard as this program is, I expect to grow and become connected to the people that I am going through it with.

Side note: I've been around social workers for more than seven years and I never understood why they identified with people in their cohorts before. I think I am learning why now. Thank you to Angie, Kendra and Marcia for helping me through this on a daily basis. Thank you to everyone else in the class for making this learning experience so satisfying, even if we are all exhausted.