Today was a day I'll never forget. I found a lump in my breast. I freaked out. Just what I need in life, another stressor to add to my growing list. By 8:15 (the time the doctor's office opened) I was calling in to make an appointment. I had told my husband, but no one else. They made me an appointment for 2:15 today.
On my break I told one of my best friends what had happened and she calmed me down a bit. It could be one of a million things. Not the dreaded C word. I have a friend who is my age in the middle of chemotherapy for breast cancer right now and even though she is amazing and strong, I don't know how my life would change with something so ... well... life changing. Could I finish school? Would I have to be off work? What would happen to our finances? All these thoughts rolled around my head. I was crazy with worry.
Well, 2:15 rolled around. I went into my appointment scared, worried, and over anxious. She didn't even take my blood pressure because she knew it would be through the roof. As she talked to me before the exam, she reminded me that it could be several different things and cancer did not have to be one of them. She asked about my caffeine intake and I reminded her that I started smoking again. She sighed and said that both can cause fibroid cysts in the breast. Then on to the breast exam. She felt the lump and said it really didn't feel like it was cancerous but wants me to have a mammogram and ultrasound anyway, just to ease my nerves. I'm scared. It could still be cancer and I'm not all that healthy. She made sure to tell me that if I don't get a diagnoisis at the exam, to call her the next day and she would give it to me. She said there is no sense in being scared out of your mind if it just a cyst.
I'm sure its nothing. Nothing major anyhow. I'm just being a hypochondriac. But that is one of my worst fears being so out of control of what happens to me. Now, I just have to make it through until they get it scheduled. I will be fine. I know I will. Now, I have a headache because there has been so much stress today. Kendra is right, I need a massage.
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