All Alone?

Why is it that sometimes we feel all alone? I'm in my house with my husband, son and three dogs (the cat is outside). I live in a city of 28,000. I work in building with over 400 other people, I take classes with 18(?) other people and could pick up the phone at anytime and get an answer on the other end. My mom lives down the street and my best friends live across town. Sometimes it just feels like I'm alone in this space. Maybe that others don't really understand exactly who or what I am at exactly the right time. What is it about our brain space that make us feel so unique and that nobody could possibly understand it from our point of view? I know I'm not alone because many of my friends have said the exact same thing to me.

Sometimes I like being alone and like to feel that there is no one on the planet that is exactly like me. But most of the time, I just want to fit in. I've really never fit in before and finally at 39 can say that I have found myself (I'm just trying to pull her out of the hole she dug herself into!) I don't tell many people about myself because I've been stigmatized by doctors and therapists for so many years. When I was 26, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I. I have ultra-rapid cycles. That means I can be up one minute and deeply depressed the next. Sometimes 4 or 5 times a day.

Thankfully, I've been stable for one year and two months. It's a record for me, I want you to know. Someday, I want to write a book about what it was like for me to grow up. I haven't been stable for any length of time since before I was 14 years old. My life has been one mess after the other. But, I'm living proof that good things can come from getting the right tools and sticking with them. People can change and good things come to those who wait.